Quit “Wine-ing” About Our First Ladies

The National Enquirer claims that Jackie Kennedy utilized alcohol, pills and sex to ease her suffering after JFK's assassination. Say, what?! Her God-fearing, Marilyn Monroe-mauling husband is knocked off in the back of a convertible right in front of her -- leaving the designer-dressed diva and her two small children to face the country alone....so she heads for the bottle and the bed of her husband's brother Bobby Kennedy? Not really a shocker, is it? Admittedly, the brother thing IS pervy....too close to incest to let it slide (bad choice of words), but the booze and pills thing is (sadly) understandable.

The Enquirer also claims that Michelle Obama has been boozing it up to ease her suffering after becoming first lady. Hmmm, let's see: you, your husband Barack, your girls (and even your momma!) thrust in the spotlight's harsh glare (complete with Secret Service men trailing your every move) and that makes your crave the bubbly once in a while? Oy, another shocker. We, here at Noozler, would likely have to be HOUSED at Hazeldon, would our lives be in the public eye. Said eye would be highly bloodshot and dilated (more).

Seems the couple's much-followed date night was doused with champagne and martini's. Michelle done had herself some fun! Hello...? That sounds like a pretty standard “date” night to us....(minus the champagne and the martini's and plus a six-pack of Bud.) Seems her hubby (you know, the dude running our country) is not too pleased with Michelle's ingestion of alcohol. We can understand why he might not want the First Lady to be sloshed in public – keep that in the bedroom where it belongs! However, we also understand how it could have happened.

Celebrity is stress-filled, people! Most especially political celebrity, for example, former presidential candidate John Edwards is a pig as is Rielle Hunter (yep, we get that in anyway/anywhere we can).

Also, what the heck does that Brazilian broad see in the married with children Gov of South Carolina, Mark Sanford? Has anybody ever SEEN an ugly Brazilian broad? We sure haven't, but we've seen our fair share of ugly governors. (Hey! And shouldn't Sanford and Son's be concentrating on keeping his family junk yard business afloat, anyway?)

No doubt we'll be hearing more about Jackie and Michelle's antics – even though Jackie's been dead for years. That fact doesn't stop the paps peeps. Pop a cork (or a brew) and stay tuned....